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"Ahh, how lovely to see you, pretty kitties! Welcome to… the Wheel of Destiny! For those who missed the last two episodes or simply need to get their eyes checked, I am the one and only Ecaflip, Your Meowjesty himself! Ready for another tale? It's time to spin that wheel! Woooo! I really went for it – let's hope it doesn't go flying, haha! And the lucky fellow is… Oooh… The lucky gal, I should say. She's the epitome of class. An iron paw in a velvet glove… Friends, prepare to hear the untold story of the sublime yet stubborn Miranda!"

The events I'm about to describe are entirely true. They took place in 951, when the charming Miranda was still wet behind the ears. The young feline already had a mind for business. But evidently, she still had a few kinks to work out before she could dominate the cutthroat world of commerce…

I'll be real with you: The place we're going to visit is not terribly inviting. The humidity is rivaled only by the stench of the swamps. It absolutely reeks! Welcome to the Salt Marsh, located in the heart of Pandalucia Valley. Where everything is desolate and gloomy. And yet… a few indomitable souls decided to settle there, among the unruly plantalas. Go figure…

Miranda has always been fearless, and her desire to conquer the business world runs deep. So it's no surprise when she appears on this grimy scene, primed and ready in her long frilly petticoat and shiny heeled boots.

For a few months now, the gorgeous feline has been running a thriving company. Business is highly purr-ofitable. She does door-to-door sales. The young Eca sells pretty much anything. And a lot of it is nonsense… Her dream is to make a name for herself and eventually open a fancy shop offering luxury bags and shushued items. But Miranda knows she'll have to start at the bottom and work her way up. She won't let that stop her! Like I said, she's fearless!

To make herself known, the Twelvian spends her days roaming the World of Twelve, from big bustling cities to the most remote and even inhospitable lands…

She'll travel as far as she must to unload her pointless must-have objects on someone kind enough (and weak-willed enough). With a suitcase full of stuff and a heart full of ambition, she shows up at potential customers' homes with the gentleness she's still known for today…

After knocking three times, she pulls the bobbin to open the latch and bursts into the house by swiftly kicking in the door. She immediately begins spewing her spiel, leaving the homeowner unable to get a meow in edgewise.

"Why hello, ma'am! I see you're the do-it-yourself type, and an excellent one at that – just looking at how well organized your home is, it's clear who I'm dealing with – and lucky for you, it just so happens I have exactly what you need to revolutionize your routine and do wonders for your interior, and it'll only cost you 150 kamas – okay, just for you, I'll throw in the storage case for free, and it comes with a 2-year warranty as well – how are we paying today?"

Extraordinary. With a physique to turn heads and a mastery of the spoken word (or bamboozlement, if you prefer) to make heads spin.

Miranda only takes a breath once her monologue is done. The stakes are too high. Not many can resist her well-oiled presentation or her beguiling tone. She is, quite simply, mesmerizing.

And yet… This time, Miranda's little trick doesn't have the intended effect.

"Well, I'll be… Can ya believe that… She done returned!"

From the back of the room, ensconced in a shabby armchair and clearly of an equally advanced age, an old lady glares at her in astonishment.

"I, uh… Forgive me… Have we met?"

  • "HAH! She asks if we've met! She DARES to ask if we've met!"

The old woman jumps up from her chair like a froog from a lily pad. She is irate. 

Miranda gulps and nervously fiddles with the clasp on her suitcase.

"You… You must be mistaken – I don't remember…"

  • "Waltzin' in here with yer prissy self once before? Ya wouldn't, sweetheart, since I used to live over in Bonta. But I'd recognize that face from a mile away! Ya think I'd soon forget the swindler who sold me THIS?"

The woman reaches back toward a dresser and points at a seemingly ordinary rolling pin. Miranda instantly recognizes the Magic Turbo Roller 2000, an utterly unmatched, incredibly innovative kitchen utensil that can spread the most stubborn dough to perfection, as well as enchant your culinary creations to make anyone who eats them bend to your will. The perfect way to get out of doing chores. And to the old woman, it seemed like her ticket to winning the annual Great Gobballfield Bakeoff…

"6,000 kamas, that's what yer so-called Turbo Magic Rolling Pin 3000 cos–"

  • "I think you mean the Magic Turbo Roller 2000…" Miranda ventures.
  • "HOGWASH! Piece o' junk is what it is! Just taste this!"

The old lady shoves a slice of humble pie right into Miranda's face before she can object.

"Hmph… Oh… I fee… It cou'be betta…"

  • "Could be better…? It's plain DISGUSTIN'! I bet the farm on that competition. Thanks to you, I lost it all and my humble pie has been the laughing stock of the World of Twelve… and me to boot! Now I'm holed up in this dump out of shame… and it's all your fault! You fleeced me and now I'm flat broke! And here you are, servin' yer best pouty lip? Luck would have it, alright – always does for mangy beasts like you…"

The elderly woman's face breaks into a jagged smile that could spook a whole haunted house. Miranda feels the wind picking up. The other woman is positively furious…  And rightfully so, it must be said. Of all the ways one could be humiliated, via rolling pin really takes the cake, don't you think? The younger Ecaflip slinks toward the front door while keeping an eye on her customer.

"I… I understand your frustration, ma'am. If you're less than completely satisfied with the Magic Turbo Roller 2000, you can always activate the warranty, provided that you've agreed to pay–"

  • "The warranty? THE WARRANTY?! I'LL SHOW YA WHERE YOU CAN STICK YER WARRANTY!"

The old lady unties her apron, grabs the rolling pin, and stomps over to Miranda. With no time to waste, the Ecaflip pivots her heels to flee through the swamps, nearly stumbling as her feet get caught in the doorway.

"If ya think I'll let ya slip away that easy…! You won't escape, SWINDLER!"

Brandishing the object of her fury, the old woman chases after Miranda. With both hands holding up her petticoat to keep it from getting tangled in the branches and brambles around her, the young woman tries to ditch her pursuer, and not without difficulty. The old lady is gutsy, to be sure… She paid up, and she wants payback.

Being hunted like prey, the Ecaflip runs while gasping for breath, looking behind her every so often to make sure the homicidal grandma hasn't caught up. She turns back at an inopportune time and gets a tree branch in the face. Thrown back several paws, she tumbles into a putrid, sticky puddle of mud. She quickly lifts herself up and decides to sacrifice her dress by tearing off several toe-beans of length, then takes off running again. Granny is hot on her trail, grumbling all the while. She's unstoppable.

"You're in for a rough time, sweetheart! I'm gonna crush you like pie crust with my Turbo Magic Rolling Pin 3000!"

  • "IT'S THE MAGIC TURBO ROLLER 2000!" Miranda manages to say out of irritation, despite also being out of breath.

Then out of nowhere, an army of plantalas appears, blocking her path. Without thinking, the woman takes out the blade she always keeps tucked into one of her boots. 

"BUZZ – ARGH! – OFF, YOU STUPID – YAH! – WEEDS!!!" she shouts while slashing at the bulbamboos and other bulbiflors.

Her massacre done, she begins running once more. But before long, she feels restrained by something. When Miranda looks down at her feet, she discovers a bulbush with its long petals wrapped around her leg, her squeezed calf turning blue. A searing pain forces her to slow down, while the old woman's labored breathing gets louder and louder. She can almost smell her breath. A heady blend of garlic and chicory. Lovely… Miranda glances around and finally grabs a heavy stone. With a clean hit, she stuns the creature and gets her leg free. The pain is still there, but she has to stick it out if she doesn't want to end up flattened by the Magic Turbo Roller 2000…

The distance between her and the old lady keeps getting smaller.

"CRUNCH!" Luck is obviously not on her side. One of her heels just broke!

Already slowed down, Miranda now struggles to get through the impassable swamps. Past a wall of bamboo, she finds herself in front of a steep cliff. She stands before an abyss. A dizzying descent leads to a large pool of stagnant water, most likely inhabited by monstrous creatures. Gluttons, no doubt… She is done for. The old woman has caught up with her; in a fit of rage, she throws the rolling pin in Miranda's direction, fully intending to break her face. The object spins in the air like a boomerang, producing a shrill whistle as the young woman looks on in astonishment, with time seeming to stretch out like pliable dough. Her number is finally up. She's got an outstanding invoice. It's for all the times she made fools of her customers by selling them the most ridiculous, unusable items under the sun. If only she could go back…

Suddenly, just as she's about to accept defeat… A thought… Yes, that's right! Miranda catches the rolling pin, then applies pressure to one of her limbs before executing a very precise maneuver with it. A click followed by a series of metallic noises indicate that a mechanism has been triggered. This releases a steel frame roughly in the shape of bird wings, crowned by a sheet of fabric that inflates as soon as the wind rushes inside it. Reflexively, Miranda leaps off the cliff, holding her parachute rolling pin firmly in her hands.

"Not to worry, ma'am – my after-sales service will be contacting you! There seems to have been a mix-up! It wasn't the Magic Turbo Roller 2000 I sold you, but the Collector's Pastry-chute 3000! I'm sorry for the err–AHHHH!" Blown by a strong gust of wind, Miranda flies away as her customer watches in stunned silence, and then vanishes, beginning a long voyage above Pandalucia… 

They say that ever since, the traveling merchant has been more attentive to the quality of the products she sells, and that she always tests each product herself. They also say she never set foot in that marsh again, having deemed her last invoice… a bit unsavory.