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Meylon Moosk is at it again! The Huppermage druid has more to say about his mikrosmowave oven. Care for a slice of demon topped with destroyer sauce?

You may be starting to think that Meylon worships the most repulsive creatures in the Krosmoz. And you wouldn't be wrong. But be honest – you're taking a liking to them too… HUH? 
 



Peace and joy to you, brave joker.

I'm Meylon Moosk, a Huppermage druid whose level of genius is "good but not amazing", according to feedback on my schoolwork.

Not very nice, I'll give you that.

After years of putting up with my tutors' contempt, I decided to serve the cause of science by inventing… the mikrosmowave!

An appliance which, when you use the convection setting… (mysteriously) makes you relive the most cringe moments of your life.

Oh hey, it's alright… NBD, as the cool kids say.

Via an ingenious process I'll keep secret till my one-way trip to Externam, this rad invention of mine examines, breaks down, scatters, disaggregates, and reconstitutes an object to extract its very essence and map it out for me.

Basically, it's used to understand stuff.

Alrighty, hand me that and you'll see… (Mikrosmowave door opening)

 

Looks like an ordinary dreamcatcher, right? (Sets it inside the oven)

Nope, my friend, it's a Destroyer's lingerie! (Closes the door)

 

What's that? You want to take it home? For a friend, you say? Lemme introduce you to the guys first. Believe me, they don't exactly have a gentle touch…

Gentle touch, lingerie… We don't have time to unpack all that!

Okay, how 'bout a little program called "indelicates"… (Beeping from the mikrosmowave) I'll switch off dirty laundry airing, and poof! 30 seconds in the mikrosmowave… (Beep! Then the sound of the oven running.)

Ready for your day in Hell? I mean… in the Shustuft Crust?

C'mon…

(sing-song voice) *It's gettin' hot in here…*

(A beep followed by the sound of the mikrosmowave running)

As you know, the land of demons is home to the Shushus serving Rushu, while in the Outerworld are Demons of the Hours that obey the god Xelor. Huh? Ah… You have no idea what I'm talking about. So you didn't listen to the previous episodes… (sad music)

Two demon families in one universe is already too many… Aaand if that weren't enough, Rushu's sis Helzbeth decided to top things off with a third category of baddies: the Destroyers.

Demons, like kids, must be taken care of. So, in between sacrifices of defenseless creatures, the demoness arranged some nice group activities for her progeny.  I won't lie, though, the mama quickly ran out of ideas. She's no Super Granny!

(Aside) You know Super Granny, don't you? That old Ecaflip who raised a litter of 27 meowlings before going into large-scale bow-meow-sitting? Anyway…

One morning, after a good night's sleep, she thought, "Say… What if I gave my little 'uns a nightmare?"

Yeah, we're clearly dealing with a progressive parent.

Thereupon she took all the bitterness produced by the feud between the two largest cities in the World of Twelve, kneaded it, added a secret ingredient – (sounds of throat clearing and spitting) – rolled it into a ball that she let sit for a couple of nights, stuck it in the oven, and POOF: a good old-fashioned nightmare, ready to eat! (Tadaaa!)

"Uh… I wouldn't touch it if I were you…" (Growling and a smack on the face)

What sets this little half-nightmare, half-demon creature apart is that it can haunt multiple generations of Twelvians. You only need to give it something to snack on. And thaaaat's where the lovely Destroyers come in.

The little devils soon tried their damnedest to get the nightmare to well and truly ruin the Twelvians' lives. Before you know it, they go tossin' in some Misery and a pinch of Servitude. Oh, and why not add a bit of Corruption! And of course, they had the relevant so-and-sos do the work for them! Real clever, eh?

Without realizing it, in their very unrestful sleep, the inhabitants of the World of Twelve fueled the nightmare for years, along with the conflict between Bonta and Brakmar. The cities couldn't stand one another to begin with, so just imagine how bad the vibe got…

You may not know this, but the Shushus and Destroyers have never been too crazy about each other. A lot of jokes about appearance. And the comeback was always 4th grade level at the most! Until a Shushu started badmouthing the Mother of the Seven Seas (a cute little nickname for Helzbeth). And insulting moms doesn't sit well with the Destroyers.

What? Even demons have principles!

Already pissed about her kids gettin' harassed on the playground, Helzbeth was ready to hulk out. Like any protective mother, after seeking advice on demoness-but-still-a-good-mom.com, she said to the kiddos:

"Go visit the Material Plane and raise an army of enslaved Twelvians, then we'll see who's strongest."

This mommy was as wound up as a piwi.

Her spawn had been swimming in the Akeranzu River – not the most peaceful body of water – where they hopped in a boat to be carried by the current of the ghost of the Ch'Tyx (another river, which was living then dead, in a way), before reaching a sweet playground.

Nolifis Island.

Don't know it? Sure ya do – it's that remote piece of land off the Pandala coast. A charming place. Specters, revenants, ghosts, and… that's all the synonyms I know. A destination your worst enemy wouldn't send you to.

The little terrors exploded onto the scene aboard a badass ship. Strips of flesh dangling around, hella fangs, dribbling slobber, the works. The ultimate infernal vehicle. Casting off, they renamed the area right away (these guys were shameless).

They called it Pandamonium.

Sounds pretty rad, actually.

The harbor, also known as Atoll of the Possessed and located near Dark Vlad's big flaming skull, became the base for Rushu's sister's charming tots.

Word got out about some creeps squatting on Nolifis. Most Twelvians avoid the place, but time and again, a group of fearless adventurers will stand up to invaders… Even worse, they'll downright wave hello.

Gotta admit, it's a tempting offer. What offer is that?

"With Hate Watchers, I've gained 10 kilotons of muscle, three new sets of eyes, two rows of sharp teeth, and 20 centimeters on each nail. All in less than 10 seconds!"

I did say they wouldn't have a gentle touch. Because the Destroyers aren't content to pillage, spread chaos, and relieve themselves all over the place, oh no! They go so far as to steal what's most precious to you. No, not your collection of Nomekop cards. Your mortal coil.

Yep, they're completely nuts.

At the end of a sinister ceremony featuring creepy chanting, demonic symbols on the walls, and a fog machine – basically a graveyard smash – voluntary Twelvians find themselves with the physique of a shot-putter.

To sum up: if you want a makeover, visit the Atoll of the Possessed (apparently the natives are at your service).

 

Indeed, the Twelvians our adventurers run into there are a tad different from the ones you'll see elsewhere in the World of Twelve. They drool and stare blankly, with no intelligible sounds coming from their mouths. Kinda like you, come midnight at the Tricksy Goblin tavern.

Oh, don't play innocent…

(Ding!)

So? Isn't my mikrosmowave impressive?

What's this…?

Was your thumb always blue? You should really see an Eniripsa about that… HEY! Keep it away from my mikrosmowave, or I'll send you to Externam!

All right, get out of here! You'll be back when you've got more questions…

(flat tone) Whaddaya mean, you never got to ask any?
 



Check out the audio version (in French):


You haven't listened to the first two episodes of 30 Seconds in the Mikrosmowave? Before I start to sob and make everyone uncomfortable, do so now:

DEMONS OF THE HOURS

SHUSHUS